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Judgement_Bot_AITA

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MillieMission

Wow. YTA. YOU are literally the cause of all HER problems. You are a horrible parent. She is literally asking for help and you just call it an attention grab. Get her in therapy immediately. Get yourself in therapy because you need some serious help. You have caused so much damage to your poor child.


DiTrastevere

> she would always try to convince us that she needs a psychologist I don’t know how you see all that desperate attention-seeking behavior in your baby and then snootily declare she’s fine and just faking it. Jesus Christ. This girl has been screaming for help her *whole life*. And OP has been selectively and intentionally deaf to it.


Compensate1995

YTA, read what you wrote OP...


Murderbunny13

I love the "you don't need therapy, even if you are asking for it, because we feed you and let you live here so nothingis wrong." I think you are right and I'll take it a step further that OP sees any "failure" in her daughter as her own failure and this is why she refuses to get her help. She'd have to "admit something is wrong with her perfect family". If you love your daughter you'll get her a professional to help her, like she asked.


One-Basket-9570

Isn’t this the same OP from the other day who wondered if she was TA because her daughter wasn’t there for her to listen & emotionally support the mom? The “make herself vomit” is what reminded me of it. Again, maybe if “mom” had been a mom instead of ignoring her child’s repeated requests for help, this situation wouldn’t have happened.


Calypsogold90

Yelling for help. I truly feel for her daughter. Poor kid knew that there was something wrong and tried to tell her, but was ignored.


Throwawaycarstore

I had a parent like that- mental health issues aren’t real and the stress and depression from constantly being bullied at school wasn’t really a thing. Surprise! Decades later I don’t talk to that parent about anything meaningful. They are kept at arms length from anything that is emotional in my life. OP is such TA. Stop looking at what you think you’ve (materially) given your child and actually listen to what they are telling you they (emotionally) need.


Smishysmash

It’s amazing that that sentence was followed up by “I don’t understand. We have given her everything she ever wanted.” Um, did you give her the psychologist? Because it kind of sounds like you didn’t and that’s what she really needs.


[deleted]

Bingo.


bouncy_bouncy_seal

Not to mention giving her “everything she ever wanted” does not equal happy and well-adjusted. Did you take care of her emotional needs when she was young or only fulfill physical wants/needs?


sam-mulder

I was diagnosed yesterday with Asperger’s. At 38. My mom is exactly like OP. I’ve been screaming for help my entire life. When I called her with the diagnoses she was silent, so I finally said “Thoughts?” and she straight up said, “I don’t have any.”


DiTrastevere

At least she’s honest about the contents of her head. I’m sorry you had to go through so much just to get a diagnosis. I hope you have the resources you need now.


smartypantstemple

wow, this actually sounds so much like my mother. my mental health problems were always ones that I had to deal with by myself...


specialopps

I mean, there are very few things that I don’t have rebuttals to, but on this one, I’m out. speechless. Wow.


harry_boy13

>"gave everything she wanted" YTA, Op says one thing, but does complete opposite thing.


steve2phonesmackabee

>"gave everything she wanted" Except for HELP.


GenderGambler

"Why would she need help, she has everything she needs" Sadly an all too common sentiment from ignorant people. News fucking flash, OP. Mental illness doesn't need a reason to happen. It's not caused by a lack in someone's life - it's a chemical inbalance in your brain. Imagine if you treated her like that for something like an ulcer, or a broken bone. "She's faking it", "she's only yelling for attention". That would be unquestionably abusive, wouldn't it? But she always had everything she ever needed, how come she now has appendicitis?? That sounds patently ridiculous, does it not? Well, that's what you're doing to your child, except she's having some sort of mental health crisis and you're dismissing it entirely. **YTA**.


SnooBlack

I feel for the daughter, really... It takes a lot of courage and maturity for a teenager to admit that they need therapy, and the mother called it "attention seeking". OP is even admitting all the cries for help of her daughter, and instead of - idk HELPING HER AND LISTENING - she just insults her and go Pikachu face "but we gave her EEEEVERYTHIIIIIING". What an awful horrible despicable parent


0bsolescencee

When I was 14 I asked my mom to get me a therapist after a bad bought of self harm. Mom ignored what I said and nothing happened. I started getting panic attacks and mom took me to the doctor to look into heart palpitations. As soon as the doc said "I think she may have anxiety" my mom never spoke of the issue again. I dont speak with my mom anymore. OP YTA, and very soon you're going to lose your daughter. And that will be the bed you have made.


GoodNightGracie999

Same thing happened to me and I also cut my mother out of my life.


[deleted]

Giving this the Wholesome award, because good for you for cutting her out. We need to normalize people setting boundaries with their toxic parents. I hope you have surrounded yourself with love and have had a chance to heal.


Zealousideal-Feed156

Very, very similar experience to yours. Was 14 and engaging in a lot of self harm and a lot of very dangerous sexual/drug-related behaviors. Begged my mom for therapy. She said no. Years later had to be admitted (!!) to the ER for a severe panic attack which my mother TO THIS DAY insists was actually the result of a gas leak. Good for you for going NC. I’m proud of you. And I’m sorry you went through everything you did and hope you have gotten the help, love, and support that you always deserved ❤️


0bsolescencee

I hope you're in a better place too ❤ I always hate the terminology "attention seeking", and learning the phrase "support seeking" has changed my entire perspective. It seems like what you were doing as a teenager was crying out for support. I'm sorry you werent able to get the support you needed from her. I hope you have better people in your life to act as your support system now ❤


DreamingOfNYC

THIS. OP’s daughter had an eating disorder among other things. Yeah, lying about the photos was super bad, but nothing would’ve escalated this far if OP had believed her daughter when she said she needed help. OP failed as a mom. I hope OP and her daughter both get help, and I honestly hope OP’s daughter cuts contact for a while if not forever


ConversationCool3000

YTA. This girl has been so damaged she results to all of this and you still don’t get the major role you played in her coping mechanisms. It’s painful to look back at our negative parenting, but Please please go to therapy, it’s gonna get worse if you all don’t get some help.


kiethkay

This. You are the reason for her behavior. You are a horrible parent.


HoldFastO2

>She is literally asking for help and you just call it an attention grab. This, yeah. WTF? How many posts have there been on this sub where parents where fighting with teenagers needing therapy but refusing it, and OP's daughter is practically begging for a therapist to help her? YTA, OP. Get your child some help.


MsDeluxe

My heart aches, this poor girl has clearly never had her emotional needs met and she's crying out for attention. You've clearly given her none YTA. Please find her a really good trauma therapist ASAP.


jasmine-blossom

The daughter needs family, the parents need therapy, and the parents need a sharp slap to reality, because the daughter has been asking for their help for a long time. I really hope that this isn’t a true story. YTA op, and you fucked over your child so efficiently, she will likely need therapy for life. Congrats on being a terrible parent.


MaybeIwasanasshole

It´s the outrage troll again. I don´t know what anyone else thinks, but I feel it´s starting to get real old.


Anxiousindating

YTA - maybe you should have gotten her a psychologist when she asked for one. She’s clearly been crying out for help for years and you ignored and dismissed her.


TreeShapedHeart

This. OP thinks they gave her "everything". Sure, except mental healthcare that daughter had the maturity and strength to ask for. This is so sad. These parents sound like the type that thinks, "oh, just throw money at the kid and they'll stop bothering us".


Crysty_Goner

My parents are like this, finally at 21 I was able to go to a therapist on my own when I have been asking to see one for around 6+ years only to be dismissed and told to get over it and that I didn't really need that. But if I wanted any unimportant thing (like a phone or clothes) I would get it immediately, helping me when I straight up said I wanted to kms just wasn't an option for them


pixie13903

>I have been asking to see one for around 6+ years only to be dismissed and told to get over it and that I didn't really need that. This is why I never asked for anything related to mental health or needing a psychologist. I've been told countless times to get over it and I learned to tell myself whenever my anxiety was bad to "suck it up and deal with it, your being dramatic". Took so long to unlearn that and learn to acknowledge my anxiety and tell myself it's ok to have bad days.


Hedgehog_Insomniac

Yes YTA and the fact she “grew up in a nice home” =\= a loving home. Which clearly, you are ice cold, OP, considering she literally had the ability to ask for help and you ignored her. I would have been glad she had the presence of mind to articulate how she was feeling and recognize she needed help. Many many adults can’t do that. She could and you ignored her. Also, the guy who saw her pics could have just left her alone. Who cares, she’s an adult.


fiofish

YTA Just because she's not starving doesn't mean you gave her everything she needs, she even asked you for therapy LISTEN TO HER Edit spelling


A_Sarcastic_Werecat

>my daughter had to reveal that **she had been posting these nudes because it’s the only way she feels noticed and worthy,** and things cleared u > >she constantly looked for attention when she was younger by doing outrageous things that got her suspended from school, **she would always try to convince us that she needs a psychologist, and she also makes herself vomit in an attempt to gain our sympathy.** I don’t understand. **We have given her everything she ever wanted**. She grew up in a nice home with financial stability and we have shown her nothing but love. I don’t understand why she has to strive so much for attention, to the point of telling horrible lies about us. **INFO:** 1. Has your daughter seen a therapist? From what you write, she has been crying for help for a long time. 2. "We have given her everything she ever wanted". According to her, she wanted a therapist. Did she get one? 3. You are aware that she is a prime candidate for abusive relationships? If she is "posting nudes to feel noted", imagine what will happen if the "wrong kind of partner" gives her attention. She needs your help, not your reproaches. Get her to a therapist today.


BlankityBlankBlank15

also the fact that “a man in her class” found her profiles and decided to confront her about it? like why? if someone from my class approached me about OnlyFans I’d be weirded out too like, that’s what the site is for, you don’t need to come to me in person. She shouldn’t have said it was someone else but what the fuck else is an 18 year old girl supposed to do when some man (OP’s words) approaches her asking about her identity regarding her online profiles for SW. This whole post is just tragic for OP’s daughter and I really hope she gets out of there


Ydain

Seems like maybe the man was just concerned for her? He did go to the police anyway when he thought the pics were without her consent.


Zealousideal-Feed156

Yea I was sort of thinking he seems like the best person in this story… actually cares enough about the daughter to ask her what’s going on and then alert police when he thought there was abuse.


TalkingStocks

Do we know it’s Onlyfans? OP said porn and dating sites. He might have thought that it could had been revenge porn and wanted to inform her about it in case it was. If that is the case, he did the right thing.


curvycurly

But it's still not HIS place to go to the police. He made her aware and then it's up to HER (if it was revenge porn) what the next steps would be. Either way the man over stepped. Unless she really said her parents or something...and he felt there was a power imbalance that would keep her from reporting it I guess...


TalkingStocks

I’m 50-50 on that one. The boy saw a panicking girl who just said that someone else posted her nudes online. Depending on the state, that’s illegal. If I heard loud banging and yelling in the house next door, I don’t think I’m overstepping to call the police about potential domestic violence.


Minnim88

I think he was definitely worried about a power imbalance keeping her from reporting it. She's 18 - barely an adult, and some of these pictures might have been from when she was underage. I don't think he was out of line. He was looking out for her.


drunkenvalley

I'm guessing that there's some missing context that clued him in that something was incredibly wrong with the situation. We're not really at liberty to pretend we know what went down though, and judging them for going to the police when we have literally meaningful information (OP is retelling bits of what they know, and are proven to be unreliable) is a bit silly.


explicitlinguini

*yesterday Get this poor girl to a therapist yesterday


[deleted]

>my daughter had to reveal that she had been posting these nudes because it’s the only way she feels noticed and worthy, and things cleared u she constantly looked for attention when she was younger by doing outrageous things that got her suspended from school, she would always try to convince us that she needs a psychologist, and she also makes herself vomit in an attempt to gain our sympathy. I don’t understand. We have given her everything she ever wanted. She grew up in a nice home with financial stability and we have shown her nothing but love. I don’t understand why she has to strive so much for attention, to the point of telling horrible lies about us. And also, is this really what you wanna go with, OP? Maybe, you haven't been giving her enough attention, so she has to resort to these methods to get your attention? Not implying that OP's kid is faking.


popoutzombie

YTA. Your child asked you multiple times to let her see a psychologist and you ignored her justifying it as her wanting "attention." It doesn't matter how cushy and stable someone's life is. Mental illness can manifest regardless of your upbringing and I sincerely hope this is fake. No one can be that dense. She's going to remember you saying that to her for the rest of her life.


DiTrastevere

A child wanting attention, can you *imagine*? The nerve of her.


popoutzombie

Honestly, how dare a child want their parents attention and to have their feelings be validated.


Training-Fig4977

And a teenager with psychological problems? How is that even possible?!


AllHandlesGone

I assure you people can be this dense.


disastermolly

YTA "A little harsh." Oh, honey, you were a helluva lot more than a little harsh. That was "salt the ground and leave nothing behind" kind of language and she'll never forget your words. In a few years when she's moved out and doesn't call you often, remember that you brought it on yourself. She was an irresponsible 18yo. Big whoop, that's not new in any way. Or did you think that YOU had raised an absolute angel? Yeah, no. ​ >"she would always try to convince us that she needs a psychologist," ​ This comment is a special brand of Holy Fuckin Shit. You're admitting she's been asking for help for YEARS and you think it's just a cry for attention. You're right, it is and you failed at giving her the proper attention, so she sought what she could find. YOU did this, so stop being all pissy about getting exactly what you worked to create. Get some therapy for your issues and stop taking them out on your kid. Holy shit.


calliecoping

And a couple sentences later: we have given her everything she ever wanted. You know, except for the mental health support that she has asked you for. YTA


fuckyourcanoes

So much this. My mother told me from an early age that I was a horrible child who ruined her life. She would announce it to guests at the dinner table, getting all weepy... "fuckyourcanoes ruined my life!" I was actually a super good kid, I hung out with nerds, I never got in trouble, never even had detention. But nothing I did was ever good enough, everything was always "my fault", my brother was the golden child. At 16 I got kicked out of high school -- which, despite my mother's drama-filled ranting, turned out GREAT for me because I took the GED and immediately went to college. Unfortunately, she decided I wasn't "responsible enough" to go to a proper university, so signed me up for junior college, and then I wasn't "responsible enough" to pick my own classes, so she picked for me. Then when I aced the classes I liked but did poorly in the ones I didn't, she pulled the rug out from under me and refused to pay for any more school. I was still 16, couldn't qualify for grants or financial aid, and naturally I couldn't get a student loan without my parents to co-sign. So I said fuck this, I'm going to be a musician. Moved out the second I could manage it and never looked back. My mother complained to everyone that I "abandoned" the family. After 25 years of therapy and more than 30 now of medication, I'm actually really happy and self-confident and comfortable in my skin, but it was a long, hard road and there were a lot of times when I didn't think I could keep going. I was so miserable for so long. OP, YTA. And you should not be surprised when your daughter cuts all ties to you and disappears from your life. You're driving her away. She is not the cause of your problems -- YOU are the cause of HERS as well as your own. You both desperately need therapy, but I know how people like you work so I know you won't pursue it. Do your daughter a favour: get her into therapy, leave her the fuck alone, and send her to college far, far away from you. Set her up well enough in life that maybe SOMEDAY she'll find it in herself to forgive you.


ElizaThornberry4

Nothing else you wrote before or after mattered once I read this: >This statement is true; she constantly looked for attention when she was younger by doing outrageous things that got her suspended from school, she would always try to convince us that she needs a psychologist, and she also makes herself vomit in an attempt to gain our sympathy What the fuck? She clearly has problems that you acknowledge, begged you to put her in therapy, and you REFUSED? Why??? She very obviously needs help. YTA


JLHuston

OP could not make it any clearer how much she dislikes and resents her own daughter. This girl is going to have attachment and relationship issues for the rest of her life if she doesn’t finally get the therapy she’s been begging for. OP could benefit from some, as well. I’m glad at least the father sounds like he understands how to be nurturing. But he’s likely overpowered by his cold wife, and it’s not enough to counter the clear messages of contempt from OP.


zenlogick

This post is basically how to create a bipolar daughter…humans are fucked


cloyskates

“We have given her everything she ever wanted” Yeah, except emotional stability and a psychologist.


alexius339

It's such a copout way to say their kid doesnt deserve to feel sad or have mental illness and it pisses me off


BaltimoreBadger23

YTA: just from this line "she was always trying to convince us that she needs a psychologist" - your daughter has literally been BEGGING for help and you've ignored her pleas. It's far from shocking she sought attention from everywhere else and in unhealthy ways. I won't say you caused all her problems (because unlike you I try to be NTA), but you sure as hell failed as a parent in helping her through them.


Spoonbills

You gave her everything she ever wanted except the mental healthcare she begged you for. Comments like yours have destroyed her self esteem. Get her a therapist immediately. Get a separate one for yourself. YTA


abbyrhode

Just because the daughter grew up with two parents and a financially stable household doesn’t make her immune to mental health problems… as a young kid and teenager I had a strong guilt complex for being better-off than most people around the world (not wealthy). I had depression and anxiety even though I had a care-free childhood. Get her some help please. Oh, and you’re a a total asshole. YTA for the bot.


JustDris

I'm glad you said this, I grew up the same and felt weird at times because I had friends who couldn't afford to do "normal" stuff. I felt embarrassed just mentioning wanting to see a movie with my homies because I knew I'd have to pitch in a few dollars for someone see it.


johnlocklives

Yeah…. This sounds very similar to something that someone posted a few days ago and got absolutely obliterated and told YTA. Just with some details added to make OP possibly seem more sympathetic. YSTILLTA. That post is gone now but you can get the context via the comments https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/px7156/aita_for_telling_my_daughter_that_she_traumatized/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf


alibabe321

If you sort by 'Old' you'll get a comment with the original text. AITA automatically creates a comment with the text.


p3r1winkl3

Thank you! I was v confused


AllHandlesGone

Is there a way to sort by Old on mobile? I’m not seeing that option


Primary-Criticism929

I though about that post as well. Those parents are just scary...


Aprilshowerz1993

That's totally her- what a horrible woman. Her daughter deserves so much better holy. Mom's 100% the reason she has problems.


fabergeomelet

Sork by old and you can still see the post.


mvms

A copy of the post can be found in the comments.


megarooni89

YTA, you just literally tainted your relationship with your daughter and those words will forever be burned in her brain.


quidyn

YTA when someone tells you they are struggling, acting out or actually saying it, you should listen.


ughneedausername

Yes YTA. You can be angry and disappointed but telling her she’s the cause of all your problems is shitty. I wonder why she feels she needs to post nudes for attention…


LA7421_ah

YTA. have you ever thought that while you’re sitting here thinking that your “attention-seeking” and problematic daughter is the cause and root of all of YOUR problems, that you may be (and based on this post, you likely are) the cause of all of HER problems? Maybe if you had been a more compassionate and understanding Mother in the imperative developmental years of her life, she would’ve turned out differently. Sounds like the only person to blame for your problems here is yourself.


yrusernamessohard

YTA >she constantly looked for attention when she was younger by doing outrageous things that got her suspended from school This indicates that she is not getting the attention and recognition she requires from her parents and thus attempted to gain it elsewhere. From this statement alone you are the asshole for neglecting your daughter's emotional needs and failing to rectify this when you realised she was seeking attention. >she would always try to convince us that she needs a psychologist Everyone can benefit from therapy, it helps you understand yourself and human beings better and get to the root of why it is you behave and react the way you do in situations. YTA for ignoring and dismissing your daughter's literal pleas for help. >she also makes herself vomit in an attempt to gain our sympathy. YTA for not taking her seriously and realising that your daughter has issues and requires therapy. You're even more of an asshole because she literally asked you for therapy >I don’t understand. We have given her everything she ever wanted. She grew up in a nice home with financial stability and we have shown her nothing but love. I don’t understand why she has to strive so much for attention, to the point of telling horrible lies about us. YTA for not realising that children require more than just their physical needs to be met. Financial stability doesn't mean much to kids if they're emotionally neglected. How do you show her love? Do you validate her and her accomplishments? Do you spend time with her and have genuine deep conversations with her? Do you make her feel comfortable enough to express any and all emotions to you? If not again you are even more of an asshole. >My husband talked to me after, saying that I “don’t get to blame my problems on a daughter I chose to have”. I told him that she is 18 now, and can absolutely be held accountable. He told me “18 is still a kid. What she did was foolish and irresponsible, but that describes every teenager in the world. Teach her instead of insulting her”. Your husband is right. You chose to have a child, you are responsible for their upbringing. You're just pushing her further away and making your daughter further resent you and her upbringing by insulting her. >“sorry means nothing from you anymore. You say it all the time. You are the cause of all of my problems and always have been”. No. You are the cause of all of your problems. You chose to have a child. It is not that child's fault that you did a bad job raising them and failed to meet their emotional needs. For the love of everything good get your daughter and yourself some therapy individual and family in order to attempt to save any semblance of a relationship with her once she leaves home otherwise you may lose her forever.


Motorcycle-adikt

YTA.... She asked for psychological help and you refused despite her having unusual traits. I would say, she is not the cause of your problems, you are the cause of hers is closer to the truth. Hang your head in shame OP. So many warnings. You ignored them all. So, do I detect hints of how could 'she' do this to 'us'? You said it yourself she wanted for nothing apart from attention.... Hello! That's is not normal and is someone who needs psych help.


trafficwizard

Oh yeah, I knew I smelled shit. And then I saw the part about "trying to convince" OP she needed a psychiatrist like this was some sort of scam on the daughter's part. OP, you likely caused this situation by not getting her the help your daughter needs. YTA and you have no one to blame but yourself.


shooting4param

Info: Did you get her the psychologist when she asked? Have you heard of eating disorders or body dysmorphia?


horrorjunkie707

She said she wrote her off as seeking attention. So appalling.


[deleted]

Is that the reasoning OP's going with? Wonder what OP has been doing that made her daughter "fake" an ED simply for her ma's attention.


theGrimm_vegan

YTA - 100% How long have you been ingnoring your daughters cries for help as attention seeking? She said she feels worthless so you blame all your problems on her. You're husband is right in what he said. Maybe try seeing something from her side without rolling your eyes in selfish anguish see what underlying reasons she has for wanting therapy.


Ramguy2014

YTA. >>She would always try to convince us she needs a psychologist Wow. Do you think that’s because maybe she needs a psychologist? >>and she also makes herself vomit And she also has an untreated eating disorder! She is striving for attention because she clearly is not getting what she needs from her parents.


oriolebot299

YTA. “she makes herself vomit to gain our sympathy” have you ever considered that she might actually have a problem? Please get her that psychologist, and maybe look into family counseling. Yes, it was dangerous for her to lie, but your outburst will just ruin an already bad relationship further.


tmmk0

YTA > This statement is true; she constantly looked for attention when she was younger by doing outrageous things that got her suspended from school, she would always try to convince us that she needs a psychologist, and she also makes herself vomit in an attempt to gain our sympathy. **I don’t understand. ** We have given her everything she ever wanted. She grew up in a nice home with financial stability and we have shown her nothing but love. I don’t understand why she has to strive so much for attention, to the point of telling horrible lies about us. >My husband talked to me after, saying that I “don’t get to blame my problems on a daughter I chose to have”. Your husband is smarter. Discuss with him about talking with your daughter.


WellThat5ucks

YTA and a terrible parent.


Wide-Aardvark8893

YTA She is your child, 18 or not. You say you gave her everything she ever wanted but did you give her a psychologist? Did you give her your attention because it seems to me like she is and has for a long time, just wanted some attention from your. I agree with your husband.


TrionC3

YTA - that is a terrible, terrible thing to say to your child. There is no excuse. My friend's sister started really acting up and it turned out she had been sexually assaulted and had PTSD. Her behaviour was a cry for help. Luckily her parents were much more supportive than you have been and did their best with her before they knew the root of her issues and made an even bigger effort once they knew what was wrong and got her the help she needed. Your daughter wants and needs therapy. She also needs empathy and deserves a meaningful apology where you take responsibility for the harm you've done - blaming your problems on her and denying her therapy etc - and make clear to her how you are going to change. If your partner has a better relationship with her he should talk to her also and check in to see if she is suicidal. YTA and you need tk wake up or you might not have a daughter much longer.


senor_skuzzbukkit

YTA. Dad sounds like he has his head screwed on straight, so thank jeebus for small mercies I guess there’s still hope for the kid.


horrorjunkie707

Yikes YTA. I can see why she is always trying to seek attention. You seem to think parenting ends at providing financial comfortability and dismiss her asking for mental help. Her behavior sounds like she's been through something traumatizing that she didn't feel comfortable telling you about and needs therapy.


Kanagaguru

YTA but this is so over the top evil chances are its fake


Hayabusa71

YTA. How can you say that you gave your daughter everything she needed, in the same sentence that said she was looking for attention and psychological help. Wtf.


loxxx87

YTA. Reddit about to crucify you 🤦‍♂️


joyyyzz

Lmao yep, i should go and get the popcorns ready


CarQuean

YTA - she has ASKED FOR A PSYCHIATRIST and you declined her !? ... There is a reason she has always been acting out, maybe some internal digging would do you good.


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JKYDLH

Yes. YTA. Your daughter needs help, asked for it, and you wrote her off. She clearly turned out this way because of you. Some people just shouldn't be parents.


mitchykeys

Why birth a child you didnt want?


Avari_Fenyx

Yta rather then talking to her about while she feels the way she does and getting her some help you blamed her. I’m absolutely on your husband and daughters side you don’t get to blame. She would try to convince you she needs a psychologist? Jesus that’s not a ploy she was asking for help and you ignored it. Your blaming a child for your mismanagement of your life. Kids need attention and love not just housing and money. They need to feel loved and appreciated and impowered you missed a huge red flag here the both of you deeply need counseling. And I pray you don’t ignore it this time.


Rodga_Lobay

YTA! You're the parent, she's your child. She asked for professional help and you brushed her off and dismissed her feelings, how do you think she got to the point of posting nudes online? Do yourself a favor and go to the Better Help website and start helping you daughter.


Vampire_queen94

YTA maybe you should get her help instead of blaming her for your problems.


Educational_Owl2558

YTA. First off, you should *never* tell your child that they are the cause of all your problems. WTF is wrong with you? I don’t care what she did or how mad you were. You raised her, blame yourself for creating the problems you put on her shoulders. Secondly, your daughter told you she needed help and wanted a psychologist- you denied her. So obviously you haven’t given her everything she wanted and needed. Let her see a psychologist, thank your husband for being the sane one in your relationship, apologize to your daughter, and seek some professional help for your narcissistic tendencies while you’re at it.


[deleted]

YTA. 100%. Holy shit. Posting the photos shows that your daughter is in desperate need of attention, and blaming it on someone else shows a fear of punishment and an inability to take responsibility for her own actions. Those are all serious issues that need to be addressed with love, kindness, and therapy. Not to mention the outrageous behavior, suspensions, bulimia and LITERALLY ASKING FOR A PSYCHOLOGIST. With both her words and her actions, your daughter has told you exactly what she wants -- attention, sympathy and psychological help. How hard is it to just give her what she so obviously needs? Money isn't everything, and this entire situation leads me to doubt that what you've shown her is actually love.


Primary-Criticism929

YTA. Your child is messed up because of you. A kid of gets suspended from school, make herselft vomit, take nudes pictures of herself and put them online is not a kid who was loved and supported by her parents, or at least here, by her mother. She asked for help. You refused it for whatever reason. Here's the result. Poor kid. I really feel for her because you probably never admit you fucked up and that you were way too harsh and distant with your child.


rich-tma

YTA for moaning to your daughter about how difficult you’ve found it to be, to be a good parent dealing with her issues.


Constant-Ad4080

Yta And I can see why tour daughter behaves the way she does and wants attention. Go to therapy and get right in the head before preaching at your daughter


pyrotequila85

A tough one, but part of what you said stood out to me..about your daughter trying to convince you that she needed to see a psychologist from a young age, I'm guessing you never let her see one?Perhaps after this latest attention grabbing stunt it might be worthwhile arranging for her to go and see one? It sounds like she has some issues. I'm leaning more towards YTA.


NazliDias

YTA. She was irresponsible and I understand why you're mad, but your husband is right: teach her better instead of insult her. And look for a therapist to her, that seek for attention may be a problem.


hashtagcorey

INFO: why didn’t you take her to a psychiatrist?


[deleted]

[удалено]


ARMYSTR8

Send her to therapy. Something is clearly wrong with her. That kind of lie though was outrageous and could mess up someone's entire livelihood. She should be held accountable.


TargetOk6288

YTA, your daughter has clearly been crying out for help for years and you dismiss it as attention seeking… maybe you’re the cause of all her troubles


tayusuki

Yes YTA. No, she is not the source of all your problems. That is an awful and sad exaggeration. There’s also a huge, glaring issue here I hope you realize. You say she has everything she could want, but she TOLD you she needs mental help. Even if home life is fine (it’s clear it’s not by your post alone by the way), other factors can take a toll on her. You are blind to your daughter’s suffering. People cope in all sorts of ways, including acting out. That doesn’t mean that her actions are okay by any means, but the point here is there is an explanation you don’t care to actually look into. Your reactions are so callous I feel deeply sorry for your daughter. Please set aside your ego as a parent and assist her in getting help. Then perhaps she will feel comfortable enough and trust you enough to have a mature conversation about what is troubling her.


SophiaRaine69420

100% YTA. You dont ever tell your children that theyre the source of all your problems, tf is wrong w you for thinking thats okay?


phobiccanoe2849

YTA and it is honestly so mind-numbingly stupid to say that this kid had a lot of issues and then dismiss her when she asked for a psychologist


TeaBeginning5565

Op yta your “ she constantly looked for attention when she was younger by doing outrageous things” let’s me know that you most likely were not giving her attention The saying “any attention is better than no attention regardless of good or bad” comes to mind. I feel sad for daughterv


RNBQ4103

I am feeling there are missing missing reasons.


BlankityBlankBlank15

WOW let me just say, as a 22 (almost 23) year old woman whose parents were EXACTLY like you when I was 17, Y T A I don’t even know where to start. Why no therapy? Why no attention? You seem to realize what your daughter needs and wants and yet? What? You don’t want to let her “win”? She’s a fucking child lol you’re an adult why the fuck should she have to beg for help and go to drastic measures for either of you to seem like you give a flying fuck. Seems to me you’re one of those parents that genuinely believe turning a blind eye to their child’s cries for help thinking they’ll “grow out of it” or “get over it”. They don’t. Kids get hurt and yeah they’ll still love you as a parent but trust me, they’ll know they can never go to you for any help they need in the future, forget opening up about what’s really happening under the surface and making her act this way. The fact that you’re blaming her at 18 (yes, Legal Adult, but actual Adult? no) for the problems you’ve created by basically neglecting her requests for help is so messed up, I don’t know how you wrote this out without realizing what a massive A H you sound like. All in all, Y T A. It’s sad your daughter feels so neglected by her parents, and I hope she gets the help and love she deserves.


Hillman314

Why would the police come and question her or you about photos of an 18 year old? What’s the crime her classmate reported? YTA. She seeks attention because she knows/can feel that you’ve always resented her existence.


swine09

They were told she was having photos taken and posted online without her knowledge. Some states have revenge porn laws.


Hermazimg

YTA you obviously arn’t giving her everything she needs if she’s wants attention from random people! You should listen to her and get a psychologist for her. Dad is completely right 18 is still a child.


ebwoods1

YTA WOW. She ASKED you for a psychiatrist. She is literally begging for help by acting out. You are an asshole.


Illansuu

Yes you are the asshole. Get her and yourself into therapy.


Gr8Milenk0

YTA seriously what is wrong with you. No mentally well person makes themselves throw up for attention. So even if she was doing all that for attention she still did need a psychiatrist.


lunadxe

“convince us that she needs a psychologist” how are you this stupid? she literally asked for help firsthand and you ignored her issues and her needing your help. you say you’ve given her everything she ever wanted, but it seems like all she really wanted and needed was a parent who would listen to her and help her out. a support. that was supposed to be you, you messed up. huge YTA.


MaybeAWalrus

Funny how you blame your daughter for her attitude... But you are the parent that raised her and made her who she is ?! YTA.


AnnieJack

YTA When she asked for help from a licensed mental health professional, did you give her that? Your post implies no. You did NOT give her everything she needs. You are the asshole.


Kathy_Kamikaze

I've got no words for such an abusive neglecting mother.. She needs a psychologist, she makes herself vomit because she is mentally sick, not because of attention and you clearly sound like you haven't given her the love she needs... I've been in your daughter's footsteps and I can tell you how much we resent you.


threeforagirl

"My daughter is trying to convince us she needs a psychologist!" /inserts four paragraphs of profoundly troubling behaviour/ Your daughter DOES need a psychologist, or therapist, because SOMETHING IS WRONG, and I sincerely hope the eating disorder/hypersexual behaviour/flagrant cries for help don't all point to what they look like they're pointing to. Get her some mental health help, NOW. Then go and think about why you watched your troubled child crash and burn across a span of years while insisting you're a perfect parent. YTA


gemgem1985

Yes yta!


QUEST50012

YTA there was no reason for you to say that, you made this all about you instead of teaching her how to make better decisions. Also, that creepy dude is way too horny and nosy.


ApplesAreAnnoying

YTA. Is this a joke??? I really need to know.


Aggravating_Desk8958

YTA. Most children would rather have parents that actually seem to care about them rather than a nice home. I grew up in a nice home, my dad never went to a single one of my sport events. I never felt good enough. If you daughter wanted therapy get it for her. If she is throwing up for attention then try therapy. It is not the 50's anymore.


just_peachy1000

YTA. Your husband is right, you don't get to tell your daughter any of the things you said. You sound self asorbed.


Cent1234

YTA. If she’s troublesome, it’s either because a) you raised her to be (I learned it from you, mom!) or b) you’ve failed to get her extra help that she needed. Want to know who is the cause of all the problems in your life? Look in a mirror.


Babsgarcia

um YTA - especially if you talk to her like that all the time. You basically confirmed that the reason she said she does it - is true and due to you. Edit; re-read the post, this has to be click bait - no one can be this self centered and have this much lack of awareness, right?


LobsterBoi420

YTA, this doesnt make sence, if shes 18 why would the police trace her IP adress to your house? You should have supported her, she said she wanted help. Give it to her.


Thia-M

They wouldn't.


annabananafin

Seriously? Of course you're the asshole! Not just for blaming her for everything that's wrong in your life (which is a horrible horrible thing to say to your kid) but for other statements like this: >and she also makes herself vomit in an attempt to gain our sympathy. You are so narcissistic that you make everything she does about you. When someone makes themself vomit, that's a sign that something is wrong. Instead of addressing what's going on for her, you make it about you? You're an asshole. ​ >she would always try to convince us that she needs a psychologist Maybe because she needed to see a psychologist? Do you think people ask to see psychologists for fun? She obviously needed help and asked for it, and somehow you make this out to be a flaw? And use this as evidence of how she's the cause of all your problems? ​ >My daughter had to reveal that she had been posting these nudes because it’s the only way she feels noticed and worthy When a teenager posts nudes of themselves, you have to wonder what's going on for them and why they're doing it. It rarely comes from a healthy place. She herself is telling you why she does it and it sounds like she's hurting. Instead of caring, you once again made this about you. This was not about you. The lie was not about you. She didn't say "my parents took the pictures." She lied because she was scared, and she didn't blame anyone in particular. Just because you provide for her financially does not mean you're giving her everything she needs to be a happy and healthy kid. She's obviously going through something and that doesn't come out of nowhere. I don't know what goes on in your home and I don't want to make assumptions, but the kind of hateful narcissistic language you use about her is a pretty strong indicator of where her psychological problems likely stem from. Thank goodness she has your husband for a dad because you sound like you're pretty awful to her. YTA.


anchovie_macncheese

YTA. A nice home and financial stability are no cure for mental illness. Your daughter needs help and has shown you in more ways than one, even asking you explicitly, yet you've ignored her? At this point, how do you feel you are not at least partially responsible for her behavior when you haven't supported her in the ways that she needs?


Particular-Toe-7849

YTA And you're the cause of all the problems in your life. You should've taken her to a psychologist wayyyy long ago. Her actions indicate a cry for help jfc.


CauseBeginning1668

YTA. As a 32yr old with a mother like you, the amount of therapy and alcohol needed to heal my soul- I only feel sad for your baby. I really hope this thread hits you and you see how much you let your daughter down. She didn’t ask to be born, but you clearly gave no cares. Parenting is more than financial stability. You have given her no emotional support, and even when she reached out- you let her down.


TheGreatBumble

YTA. Your daughter literally told you that she needs professional help and you're ignoring her. Instead of helping her you're blaming her and making things worse. Go get her the help she needs and hope that you haven't wreaked your relationship with her beyond breaking. Your husband is right, eighteen is still a kid in her case, she's impressionable, emotional and young... Age is just a number and no indication of maturity by itself. She needs help. Your job is to get her the help she needs.


Blackrosekisses

YTA and ur husband is right. I’m 22f and at 18 I still needed my parents for EVERYTHING to teach me how to handle the adult situations I’m now gonna be thrown into in life. AND if she tells u that she needs to see a psychologist it’s probably for the best THAT U TAKE HER TO SEE ONE. I have a cousin that needs srs help and has told his parents that and they never took him on and now their complaining about all the shit and crime record shit he does but they still refused to let him get help. The man is almost 30 and has a million problems that could’ve been solved if they got him the help he said he needed way back when.


BKStephens

Children crave attention from the start of their lives, and they will get it one way or another. How they act in order to get that attention, is entirely dependant on those most responsible for teaching them, usually parents. You're saying the person you have been responsible for raising and teaching, has been the cause of all your troubles. YTA. Sort yourself out, for your daughter's sake, if nothing else.


NightLightTooBright

YTA and hubby, if you read this, LEAVE!! This woman is probably the cause of your child's problems!!! OP I can already tell you're a narcissist.


gentle_mama

YTA. You claim you gave her everything but you obviously didn't give her the emotional support she needs or any loving attention.


Noelle_Frostmas

Oh it's you again YTA You making her the scapegoat for all of YOUR problems is awful. YOU are the adult, SHE was a child. You mention that she'd do stuff to get your attention. Did you actually ever show her any? Becuae even from a young age a child can sense when a adult is uninvolved and emotionally abusive. >We have given her everything she ever wanted. Except the one thing she wants. >I don’t understand why she has to strive so much for attention Because she never got it from you. >My husband talked to me after, saying that I “don’t get to blame my problems on a daughter I chose to have”. He's right. You don't! >He told me “18 is still a kid. What she did was foolish and irresponsible, but that describes every teenager in the world. Teach her instead of insulting her”. Again he right. He seems to be the only one who cares about your daughter. If anyone needs to grow up, it's you. Edited: added other post https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/px7156/aita_for_telling_my_daughter_that_she_traumatized/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf


bigmamistylez

how is this even a question lmfao YTA if you can’t see that then you probably need a psychologist more than your daughter does


Sunday-tea

YTA 1000%. Poor girl.


ClaymoreClair

YTA You don't understand? Your daughter is acting out and you don't understand? Why are you more concerned with the behavior rather than the cause! You are her PARENT! It is your job to raise your child the best you can. And you just looked at her and threw up your hands! If you don't understand, it's because you failed to try. And not only did you fail to connect with her, you prevented her from getting the help you failed to supply. You didn't get her a therapist or anything when she asked, did you? Mental health issues run in my family and my neglectful mother still managed to get me a counselor! She was under equiped to handle my issues but it was a step on the right direction! You won't even get her that! Why did you have a child when you failed to grasp that that would entail caring for another living person? Your husband is right and I hope he gets her the help she needs since you won't.


sexybeast1146

YTA. I understand you were angry, but no excuse to say something like that to your child. You need to apologize. Also, if she's 18 why were the cops involved? She's not a minor. No crime.


[deleted]

It sounds like the daughter may have made that guy think her parents were forcing her to sell her nude photos, which is a crime. OP--YTA, not for wanting to hold your daughter accountable for her actions but for the things you said to her. She is clearly unwell and needs most support and love from her parents, probably therapy too.


yikes-1337

YTA. ”She constantly looked for attention when she was younger”, sounds like she didn’t get enough from her parents and hence why she acted out.


anon-y-mousey

Yep. YTA. You don’t say that to your kids. She didn’t choose to be born. YOU chose to be a parent. This is part of being a parent. You don’t get to choose what kid you get, OP. And you’re right. You don’t understand your daughter, because from reading this, it’s clear something is going on that’s causing her to behave this way and strive for this attention. Do better.


dandyaceinspace

YTA If she has to go to lengths to get your attention then you're obviously a shit parent. You're the cause of your own problems.


alexius339

YTA. Jesus christ you sound like you should be posted on r/narcissisticparents Have you ever thought that maybe she has undiagnosed mental illness? If she says she needs to see a therapist, MAYBE ITS BECAUSE SHE DOES. Hypersexuality, eating disorder, begging for attention. She's clearly suffering mentally. Forced vomiting to gain your sympathy? Get over yourself. OBVIOUSLY an eating disorder. I don't think you've bothered to know your daughter at all, and the sheer arrogance to say she needs to be "held accountable", holy jesus. Get help. And get her help too. Also, a kid doesn't give a shit about financial stability in their formative years, and it sure as hell doesn't mean you get to dismiss their issues.


Kris82868

I'm confused. Are you saying these photos were or could have been taken before she turned 18 and that would have been the reason for you possibly getting in trouble?


BaltimoreBadger23

If they were posted without her explicit permission, her age is irrelevant. That's not the case here, of course, but if somehow she had pinned this on her mother... well, she'd be better off I guess.


[deleted]

Can I ask what trouble she could have gotten you into. shes 18. I thought that was the legal age to do things like that?


DazedDame

YTA- all the things you described are your daughter literally begging for help. And all you can do is shit on her more, which I’m sure it’s safe to say you’ve done so her entire life. And honestly your husband doesn’t sound alike much of a peach either with that “daughter you chose to have” statement. Get yourself in therapy.


ryencool

While her stunts are inexcusable, you're an adult, and you chose to have a child. More often than not children who act out, act out for a reason. Children who act out consistently throughout their lives? Well the only other constant in that equation is you and your husband, the parents. My opinion is you THINK you gave her a good life, and I'm sure by certain measurements you did. I'm also going to assume that good life was devoid of any real emotional support. I'm medically disabled and grew up depressed and anxious most of my childhood. I didn't want attention and my parents forced me to do things I had issues doing, because that's what "they did". They didn't understand any of this until I was in my late 20s early 30s. They didn't honestly try to understand what I was going through. My parents are now amazing though. They actually listen to my problems without laughing or looking down on me. We talk honestly and openly about everything. Went from having parents who didn't believe in therapists, to a family that swears by them. Thinking you've been an amazing parent, doesn't mean you are one. An amazing parent would never ever ever tell their child that ehy are "the source of ALL their problems" The fact that anyone needs to tell you that is like Jesus fucking christ you've got to be kidding me crazy. Your daughter is going through something. If you don't know how, or don't want to be there for her? Find someone who will.


SignificanceFree5563

YTA You don’t say that to your kid. It was your responsibility to raise her and her “issues” are somewhat a reflection on your parenting skills.


amethystdreams21

YTA and I'm sure YOU are the cause of all the problems she has.


[deleted]

YTA and a abusive monster. No wonder your daughter acts like this and posts nudes online, it's all because of you. Don't worry the second she is financially independent she will never speak to you again and you'll have your wish. How DARE you treat your OWN child like this? Wtf is wrong with you???


soelvstar

YTA, and in such a degree that I got my free award and gave it to you, just so others will notice and tell you what a dick you are being!!


Eastern-Water9701

YTA. I can't believe you're a parent, this has to be trolling. She has ASKED for help in the past, you refused it - her behaviour is 100% on you as parents. Your husband is spot on, be a parent not an AH.


Manticore416

YTA. Is this real? You're so clearly in the wrong it's crazy. Did you ever think your daughter sought attention because you didnt give her enough?


JumpOverGlass

YTA But y’all need family therapy, that’s the big takeaway here.


[deleted]

Family therapy won't do anything in this case since OP is a narc. She will just punish her daughter for telling the therapist the truth.


DraftBrave

Hey OP. HUH? Your daughter is posting nudes because getting validation from strangers is the only way she can feel worthy, has a history of getting suspended, has a history of disordered eating, has a history of performing outrageous behaviours in bids for attention, and has *asked repeatedly* *to see a mental health professional*, and you don't think you did the wrong thing vy never trying to get her help? You're going to say that you have shown her "nothing but love" and in the same breath tell her to her face that she is the cause of all your problems? If that's what you call *love*, then she's better off without it. She didn't cause your problems, *you caused hers*. She is a teenage girl who has been begging for help for years, and wow, I wonder why. How many times did you tell her, explicitly or implicitly, that everything that went wrong in your life or hers was her fault? That she ruins everything? That she is unwanted, undeserving, unloved? How cruelly have you treated her, and for how long, that being objectified and sexually appreciated by strangers is more reliable and more rewarding than a loving interaction with you, her mother? I feel for your daughter. I truly can't overstate how much. I hope she leaves you and your nice house and your financial stability and your so-called love and is able to see the professional she's been needing to see for years, and is finally able to start healing. I hope she's able to have a relationship with you on her terms and in a way that is healthy for her, or none at all. I hope she has a long, happy, fulfilling life. And you know something, OP? If she wants you, then I really hope you're in that life. I really hope you realise just how in the wrong you are, and take steps to make amends. I hope you're able to become a positive figure in her life. And if not, then I hope you have the grace to at least get out of her way. YTA.


ComprehensiveBand586

YTA. She didn't vomit to get your sympathy, you asshole; she vomited because she was either sick or had an eating disorder. You claim you showed her nothing but love but your utter lack of empathy for her vomiting and your hateful words to her are NOT loving. You need to take a hard look in the mirror and realize that if your daughter is acting out, a major reason is most likely YOU and your shitty parenting. The fact that you fed and clothed her is the bare minimum. Get over yourself, you selfish asshole.


patrioticmarsupial

You have **not** shown your child nothing but love. If you did she wouldn’t feel like she has to go to such measures to make herself feel noticed and worthy. She literally doesn’t feel *noticed* and the only thing you care about is *your* life and how this affects *you*. Be better op. YTA


Fluffmuffin09100

YTA and a top tier horrible parent. This poor kid is going to spend the rest of her life trying to undo all the psychological issues you have caused her. I hope she goes no contact and doesn’t see you for the rest of your life.


Sunrise_Woods

Maybe you should have paid her some attention and shown her love and actually got her help instead of being horrible neglectful parents. YTA


Due-Error5245

God. You sound absolutely heartless. I don't blame your daughter. Your husband is right. Don't have children if you can't bring them up properly.


lizzah2211

r/amithedevil


Lodigo

Holy fuck wow YTA x 1000000000000 What the FUCK is wrong with you?


Careful_Manner

YTA (massively) She needs to get away from you guys. What you said is unconscionable — how you justified it is unbelievable. Also, has anyone ever been inappropriate with your daughter ? Ikr why, but I get this gut feeling she was abused, probably by someone you know, and I’m sick about it.


froggy3000

please be fake please be fake please be fake pl-


axw3555

Jesus. I actually started out on your side. Your daughter did something dumb. Then I was to an E S H when you said that it was all cleared up but you still told her she was the cause of all your problems - spoiler, no problem was caused there. She *might* have got in trouble but didn’t. Then you dropped the bomb that your daughter has been asking for mental health help and displaying signs of bulimia for years, and you ignored her. At that point, you were so far into YTA that I can’t believe you have the gall to ask the question. Apologise to her, get her the help she should have had years ago, and any time you question it, repeat this mantra - “I know nothing about raising a daughter, so I need to shut up now”.


hab33b

YtTA. So your saying your daughter, who is here because of you, is the source of all your problems? That your daughter has an eating disorder "for attention", that your daughter has felt that she needs help from a professional and you haven't allowed her to get the help?, that your daughter feels to the point she can't get attention at home that she has to post porn online? Like tf are you saying to your daughter. What I hear from your statement is that she doesn't matter. What does she hear, "I should probably go kill myself because my mom wishes I had never been born and was dead now." I am a therapist, I work with suicidal teens. 1000% people with your viewpoint of "taking care of financial needs" have this warped sense f importance. There are more important things than money, money is replaceable, you know what we have a finite amount of, time. Why not spend that time with your kid, who is only here because of you, and do something your kid wants? I bet that's something that they don't experience that much.


madevilfish

YTA- You failed to do the most fundamental duties as a parent and get help for your child. I am willing to bet big money you are the most significant issue in her life. Eighteen might legally mean she's an adult but not mentally an adult.


Ancient-Transition-4

Your daughter begged you to take her to a psychologist and may have had an eating disorder and you claimed it was for attention. She sure as hell did not cause all the problems in your life but you certainly contributed to hers. YTA


rngal3

Yep YTA. She clearly has needed to be under the care of a psychologist for a very long time. The fact that you and your husband have ignored her needs makes you bad parents.


FiercePixie

Yta, point blank. If she asked for help, that means something is obviously bothering her and she feels like she can’t talk to you about it. That’s never a good sign. Your job as a parent is to nurture her, not berate her. My father said similar to me and threatened to make me property of the state because he was “tired of my shit.” I barely speak to him anymore. As a parent myself, I promise to be my son’s and future daughter’s safety and support, because that’s what you’re supposed to do. Revisit your actions and help her grow.


Alexasaurus_Trex

Ahahahhha are you for real? She’s asking for help and you deny her, she’s showing signs of an eating disorder and you invalidate her, she’s acting out and in stead of actually giving her help you invalidate her feelings and show zero compassion? YTA. You need a wakeup call. Your daughter isn’t getting all she is needing, and I suspect thw problem is you. You aren’t showing her love. You aren’t showing her compassion, and it shows.


Bwahbwah_bwah

Title says it all. YTA alright. The ignorance you display, whether willful or not, is astounding. Your poor daughter. Even IF you think such a thing, what possessed you to think it's okay to verbalise that to your daughter (the person you think this about)? Verbalising it is never okay. Sheesh.


TheDissentingGopher

I understand that what you have experienced is frustrating. I have a foolish 17 year old son who, I am sorry to say, is a total handful to put it mildly. His antics have required regular visits to the school, many angry parents on our doorstep and doorstep visits from the Police on more than just a few occasions. My SO and I are good educated people, financially secure and own our own home. We also provide our son all the love and support we can give. We take into consideration he has behavioral problems, high functioning ASD and anxiety. He is still a kid, and my SO and I accept we are going to be his parents for the rest of our lives. I'm not saying that I know how you feel, because I am not you. But I can begin to imagine. I'm sorry to be brutally honest here, but I am absolutely astounded at what I have read. You refused your daughter a psychologist? She was always acting out? She carries out behavior and tells lies because she needs to feel noticed and worthy? She makes herself sick to get your attention? You said it yourself, "*I don't understand*", but you should have made it your business to find out. What were you waiting for? A billboard sized advertisement? YTA YTA YTA - I'm sorry if I'm repeating myself here, but I really think this is something that needed to be said to you more than once.


smartiesmouth

YTA. You’ve ignored your daughter’s pleas for help as just her trying to get attention for no reason. You act like you were the perfect parent who never did anything wrong, no, never never never!!! People can be raised in stable homes and still have mental health issues, it’s not always the kid that grew up poor or with uncaring parents. And her acting out this way is ABSOLUTELY a cry for help. Get her some fucking help.


get-creative

YTA get her and yourself therapy.


[deleted]

yta x100000000


TheMiteyMo

YTA. Your daughter literally told you she needed therapy and you frame that as attention seeking, and apparently denied her care when it would have helped her. Her eating disorder, too, is for attention. Had you given her the help she needed she may not have come to this point. Listen to your husband before it’s too late. Be a responsible parent and get your daughter some help. Individual counseling for her AND you plus family therapy. You’ve done a lot of damage but it doesn’t have to be too late.


CrazyFanGeek

I have 3 children, and if one of them showed any signs your daughter had like the vomiting or suspension from school I would have gotten the help they needed, even if I had to walk through the fires of hell. You have failed your daughter, YOU. Yes your daughter is 18 but is our job has parents to provide tools, guide and prepare our kids for later life and you have failed, your husband is rights she's just a child. Your daughter needs help, and you do too if you think the only job a parent has is to provide a home, food and clothing, that's a basic human need YTA.