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RoboSonichu

Voting is now closed. With 15 votes, the community has decided that this post is **Cringe**. Vote totals: * **Cringe**: 15 votes * **Satire**: 1 votes *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Message the moderators if you have any questions.*


Davigotero

Sorry man I gotta downvote you, cuz some homeless guy with a Snowglobe said im a Caprisun or something like that


DEADPYNE

Wow you’re such coppercorn


BMoney8600

Nah he’s an asparagus


[deleted]

I have cancer


fishfiftie

I have AIDS beat that


Azim999999

I have the flu, beat that.


Captain_LSD

I've got two tickets to paradise.


BlUeSapia

I've got checks with little poodles on them!


[deleted]

I've got a jar of dirt!


phonebook45

So pack your bags


thetruebox

I have COVID, I think I'm going to die.


Pixel1678

Everyone except me is highly likely to get the Pestilence if they don't have it anyways, but I have to cure all of you.


dhskdjdjsjddj

I have a cannonball in my head


WhiteGradient

I have your ip adress.


Sorrysenpai420

I have your children


Goddamnfurries

AIDS burger in paradise!


[deleted]

I am a liquid person he said


SomeRandomMoray

I guess my name is Leo now?


Echo_Oscar_Sierra

I'm a virgin :(


[deleted]

[удалено]


Aggravating-Line8425

im a piece>! of shit!<


TheOfficialWario

I’m a spiky spider or some shit


valiant_polis

Rip Sierra


Floridaasfuck

I AM DEATH BUG


pm_ur_backdimplesplz

I'm a 40 year-old Virgo 😭


memekid721

No,he's a feather


altaccounvv

I'm a Saggy Tarrie us.


Neither-Answer-7431

points and laughs at your wrinkled knees, (endearingly, though)


altaccounvv

***😳😳😳😳***


Desertskullman

LMAO


[deleted]

[удалено]


Sorrysenpai420

Bruh, he told me I was a mistake


hambugrer

cant tell if this is serious or just r/iamveryrandom


greylord23

The joke is that the zodiac sign Aquarius is very similair to the word aquarium


hambugrer

oh right


CosmoaicComputer

Genshins i swear...


Litalian

Lmao what


YieldingSweetblade

This is so fucking funny lol


Airyx

r/brandnewsentence


GasPoweredCalculator

Mine said im a dopted


Davigotero

Wow thats gotta mean we have close birthdays, i just asked my parents and apparently i aint a caprisun like the creepy old magic man said. Im a borted, wish i knew what that means tho


Helloiamayeetman

I’m a spoodermanicus or some ting


BlUeSapia

Smh that's such a Snuffleupagus thing to say🙄😬


Max_Shadowz

That wasn’t so scorpian with dragon teeth and a burning sunlight everlasting coming from you mate


enslig-gulv

I am a lamppost.


Deathroll1988

“because it forces you to see yourself from within” while claiming the position of a planet changes your mood. In a way, believing in astrology robs you of agency, “not my fault I did that, Im a cancer” Yes you are Teffany, your a cancer on this planet.


goosiest

Thank you this was the comment I was looking for. You are telling yourself that you can't change the way you are because of some arbitrary space shit. Bruh imagine being lazy enough to use this excuse as a way to avoid getting your shit together.


100PercentNotAltAcc

"But you also have to include where the moons standed" ~~My sister


euan3704

“OMG, i am SUCH a gemini!” no, you’re just annoying and attention seeking.


BMoney8600

You know what? It’s not so bad being single


redPonyCoffeeRoaster

I'm happily married now, but there have been times in the past.... Oh boy are you right.


BMoney8600

All I gotta do now is keep reminding myself of this whenever I feel down


[deleted]

[удалено]


BMoney8600

That’s the plan man


[deleted]

[удалено]


BMoney8600

Will do!


Skyyagiz

[Bonus cringe](https://i.gyazo.com/d5af487147f83935365f60173e9042e8.png)


Stalins_Mustache420

Because abject stupidity makes me hostile


goosiest

Lol I'm fucking dead literally this. It's almost like the baseless spread of misinformation is a plague upon the internet.


[deleted]

I'm only hostile because I'm a scorporius


StormStrikePhoenix

I'm only hostile because I'm a scorpion.


BlUeSapia

Have you been regularly washing your pedipalps?


Trytye

Thank you my good sir


[deleted]

\*Bible\* "fuck off i don't believe in that nonsense" \*astrology\* omg this is literally me cause im aquarius


Nevermore5113

I can't possibly comprehend what is going through the minds of those people...


j3wbacca996

That’s the most hilarious part.


TheDopeDrop

If only I were a female I would be able to get the epic magic powers of astrology


AquaticSombrero

Ha loser! You just have to siphon the souls of women to gain their astrology powers so you can Astral project


huffilypuff

TIL I'm not really female.


K4rn31ro

Not for long. *takes out scissors


huffilypuff

Budget hysterectomy? Hell, why not.


Seb039

Half-off hysterectomy with your flu shot, come on down to the Bargain Basement


huffilypuff

And still less likely to kill me than the VA!


StormStrikePhoenix

You just have to gaze at the sky long enough, or maybe just a bull or scorpion.


PrivateG777

Saying that is so braindead because it insinuates that in her narrow world men are just animals incapable of self-reflect or greater purpose/spirituality.


HumanSpecimenOnEarth

What I find funny is that she's probably like all of the femcels on FemaleDatingStrategy, assigning men value based on how much they simp for her, treating men who don't bend over backwards for her like trash, and then wondering why she can't seem to find a partner.


Catfish445

I still don't get how r/Femaledatingstrategy isn't banned


HumanSpecimenOnEarth

Neither do I, but hey, at least it's funny to see the lack of self-awareness present there.


[deleted]

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vac37

Sorry I ran over your child with my car, I'm an Aquarium


djgfqjjnr

sorry i cheated on you with your best friend, you were born in march and he wasn’t


GiffKeplen

Of course there are things bigger than us. Humans will never fully comprehend physics or astronomy. That doesn't mean that being born when the stars kinda look like a funny crab gives you your personality.


TazDingoYes

The stars as they were being born: "mate can you shift over, we need to make a picture of a half goat fish so some dumb cunt on a bit of rock a few billion years from now can blame her psychosis on us."


sallysallers

I am woman, astrology is bullshit


Rosemary0820

I am woman


PresidentOfKoopistan

It is I, the almighty Woman! Bow before my magnificence!


Rosemary0820

A woman? On reddit! I thought I was the only one!


taswycummiessocksUwu

Let me cum in your socks


HumanSpecimenOnEarth

Shit just went from 0 to 100 real fucking quick.


Rosemary0820

😟


wwcfm

I knew it!!!!


Rosemary0820

Am woman too?


wwcfm

No


Rosemary0820

Ah


oof_master420

how far can you squirt


Domaths

r/AsABlackMan


VoidMystr0

“Something greater than themselves” Yeah crocodiles lmao


NoabPK

In the wise words of filthy frank. Horoscope: insert basic human trait. Weird girls: OMMMMGGGG SOO MEEEEEE


whorememberspogs

"men cant believe in anything bigger than themselves" enter all religion for the past million years to prove you wrong


MirrorJackal

Ayo female here, if you believe in astrology you probably have the personality of a mouldy grape and less braincells than one! Merry Christmas!


Shrike73

Thank you and Merrry Fishmas !


gwadams65

Astrology is the 2nd dumbest belief system, scientology being number one...🤦‍♀️


rivetedoaf

At least Scientology might let me meet tom cruise. Astrology just lets me meet these idiots


MsPacmanIsHot

I’m a Leo. Leo’s are known for their confidence and bravery. I have anxiety and depression.


Gr1ning

I mean believe whatever you want but don't try to push that shit on someone else or belittle them when they don't believe in it.


stupidfreakingidiot4

These are the same people who refuse to believe in a God


Bowls-of-sprouts

I think Astrology is dumb because it takes responsibility away from people that are legitimately just assholes regardless of when they were born. -A scorpio tired of being typecasted as an edgy, angry, sex obsessed, evil bastard


Pissbabyyyyyyy

Can confirm that men do believe in astrology. My dad is hardcore he said that he left my mom because he’s an asparagus and it’s his nature 😜


stellargd

I was born when some ball of fire was shining so i get to be an asshole /s


jessie1500_

Dear diary, today i learned i am male.


killerjags

My horoscope said that I may or may not meet someone that will say "Hi" to me in the next month. It also said that I will breath oxygen and consume food. #justcapricornthings


Grover-Rover

Ah, sexism.


BlastyMcSplody

Sorry I’m a Germany 🤪


Colorado_1957

Stupid people make me angry


Mundane-Pianist-1260

“Yes, I am bossy because my mom let my dad raw dog her sometime in November.”


[deleted]

My partners believe in that stuff. Not my thing tho


mabdiaziz

Partners? Plural?


[deleted]

You bet your bippy I said it plural.


I-4M-J0E

I do believe in something greater... just not the fuckin stars


King_Pandora

Alright lets play this game with someone who believes in it, write the traits of all of the signs and then ask a person to pic one they most identify with. Then find their "real" sign. Now compare. Ta-da zero fucking correlation.


Content-Bread

OMG so sorry that I ran over your first-born son while getting my boba! LOL I'm such a peppermint!


Saurlifi

Imagine thinking that stars can determine your personality


Toddler_dictator

How ... how did she turned astrology into men bad argument? Lol


00gusgus00

“Dude, you just ran over my dog!” I’m an aquarium “Oh well, I guess it’s just your nature!”


[deleted]

“imagine not thinking that stars decide every factor of your personality and who you are as a human 😭😭”


TheSnakerMan

Seems like patriarchy only applies when it supports their argument


mildlyoctopus

Damn dude I believed in astrology when I was like 10. Someone people never grow out of it I guess. I bet she takes fortune cookies as gospel too


[deleted]

no, astrology is fake, its all coincidence


ominous-owl

talking about astrology can be fun, and what star sign you have. but when you use it to justify your actions, or how you're going to date people, or how you're going to act in the future, or make general life decisions, then you've gone too far.


American_berserker

"If you don't believe in astrology, you ain't female."


spiderdog42

Imagine thinking astrology IS real lmao


SasugaDarkFlame

PersonA: here is something that *strongly resonates* with me PersonB: cool... PersonA: u don't like it? PersonB: um...not really but I don't hate it either. It exsist. PersonA: u must not get it. If you keep block up ur mind and questioning everything it won't ever make sense to you. It's not for everybody PersonB: 😡🤔 fuck off and give back the joint. PersonA: u need to get ur energy clensed...what rocks are u currently wearing?


Colorfulbog08

God they're such cancers🤔🤔🤔🤔🤓🤓🤓🤧🤧🤧😏🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄⭕⭕⭕⭕👌👌👌❌❌🍞👁🗑👁🗑👄🗑😏👌😏👌👁👌👁👄😏👌👄👌👁👌👄👌👄🗑👄🗑👄🗑👄


SlimyKingdom

She just called women stupid. This is sexist


deathgripskid

Girls say this but still are atheist


hughishue48

I guess religious men don't exist


thiccums42069

I think that is incredibly ironic


MyNuttsFloatInWater

If you’re trying to pick up on hot dumb chicks, just mention astrological signs and watch those panties drop.


Taco_without_h

Saying "imagine -" followed by a statement doesn't make it true


redohottochiripeppa

Penn Jilette says something like this "Astrology is a near cousin of racism, in racism you give qualities to a person based on where they were born, astrology gives qualities to people based on when they were born." Lets say that Jimmy is a stupid asshole because he is just a cancer. Change that zodiac sign for your favourite racial slur and damn, not too friendly and mistical isn't it?


[deleted]

Ahh yes, the people that think the month you were born decides your fate


VariousThanks3

Guess I'm a man for not believing in astrology


PeriDataNana

Well guess what I know a ton of women that also think astrology is complete bullcrap because it is


Angrysquid99

These the same bitches who will down talk on Christianity *insert cringy “I don’t believe in that made up bullshit” meme*


[deleted]

Out of all the religions out there, you choose astronomy. Maybe that's because it's the only one that gives you an excuse for being a horrible person.


Sega_Genitals

Spoken like a two faced fucking Gemini


[deleted]

What the fuck did I just read


DabOnYourFlabs

Fucking hell this is dumb


Johnnybird2000

Ah yes the true me. The day i was born determines who I am.


fireonice420

The irony of this is riveting


Sailor_Psyche

yes because we all know the month you’re born determines your entire personality and way of life


[deleted]

The pope is a man


thewhole9nards

Imagine thinking that everyone who shares a birthday with you had the same personality traits.


Sorrysenpai420

Sry man, according to my birthday I’m a bisexual cumsock


Captain-titanic

So men just can’t be religious I guess


parlakarmut

Well, I shouldn't go to jail, My sign is a pear, that's why I burned a kidergarten. What do you mean signs don't apply to laws?! YOUR EGOS ARE SO HUGE! YOU DON'T BELIEVE SOMETHING BIGGER THAN YOU CAN EXIST!


Birdleur

You are a *(insert sign here)* as you have *vague, relatable trait that pretty much everyone has* omfg this is so me sksksksk


Etherius

Imagine believing astrology is real and that the arrogant ones are the people who DON'T think stars and planets millions of light-years away are working to fuck up your day.


[deleted]

You can tell hers is cancer


foxhoundmg

Astrology is such fucking bullshit. If you believe it your a fool.


OhHelloThere22

ooooh, these darn men, white people, and straight people, always so egoistic, when will they learn?


Iced_PvM

Acting like "your day will be good" is some philosophical shit


MrNakaan

Men can believe in something more... I'm sorry, which sex is the Pope?


francis2395

It blows my mind that in the 21st century, when so many people threw religions and fairytales out the window (good), there are still many of those same people who believe in astrology and horoscopes. Give me a fucking break.


fantasticallybigfish

This idiot: Men can't believe in something greater than themselves Muhammed who created the entire religion of Islam:


bred_skate

#look at the one who believes in allah and the prophet, the one who believes in jesus and the trinity, I'm not sure about Jews sorry lol


[deleted]

it's okay dude, I'm not sure about myself either


Varyuse

She's confusing astrology for space smh


NO0bKing

Petition to make the frying pan constellation a star sign


alovesong1

I guess I'm a man now ??


CnowFlake

Listen, if you say "oh im sorry :( im a capricancer its how we act" to excuse your horrible behavior, I'll hit you. That's not astrology, thats just something people made up to make unimportant people feel important.


FuckingWatch

Has it finally turned into a cult? Who’s the leader?


JackThePollo

from what i know they usually use signs to jsutify the fact of being extremely annoyng or abusive


Nader_K1d

Oh my bad, I’m an asparagus 🤪


TheRipePickle

I just want to slap bitches like that


Rosemary0820

Sorry I insulted you! I’m just such a leonardo!


[deleted]

Should read "allows you to blame your shitty behavior, failures and bad personality on the position of a planet and a star that couldn't have less to do with your actions."


askid16

The reply made me realize that I don't know a man who believes in astrology, I'm sure that some do. And now I'm interested in how does it come that more women believe in astrology than man.


DankAF420Blazin

Read an astronomy textbook and it will clearly explain why astrology is bullshit.


Neo_Basil

What do astrology and fascism have in common? They both require you believe complex human beings are just inherently a certain way because of arbitrary differences. Makes me think they're both horseshit.


WilyWonkaTraphouse

Just say you have a small dick and move on 🙄🙄🙄 its the ✨fragile, toxic masculenity that doesn't let you comprehend things more important than yourself✨ for me This is a joke. Reddit please don't doxx me


wholesome_capsicum

Omg I'm such a sagittarius you can tell because it says I do all these sagittarius things like breathing and getting mad when someone eats my lunch out of the work fridge, I mean how could they get those things right if it was fake


TheWorld_IsntHere

imagine thinking stars are the ones that shape your own destiny rather than yourself there's nothing wrong with astrology but please don't have it as your only way to view reality


Max_Shadowz

In my opinion, or point of view, I don’t think your month where you born and the position of the stars has anything to do with the way you behave and it’s just an excuse of your good or shitty personality. (I if that makes any sense)


ishanwagener

They’re the same people who would shit in Christians, then go on and say shit like this


Intenslysubtle

I understand the concept of astrology has no real scientific back up. And it’s more than fair people don’t believe it. But In all honesty, I’ve seen personally that it has some accuracy, and I understand it does use a vague language most of the time to describe people. But Personally, there have been some crazy results. However, I don’t think that most people really understand astrology, even those that think they’re geniuses at it. I think that it really shows you potential characteristics and isn’t 100% correct all of them time. I hate how people use it as a rigid guideline when that is not how it should be treated. It really is a way of gauging the lessons you need to learn, a person who is a Leo may have the same egotistical lessons to learn that other Leo’s have and it’s more important to look at that than to look at ‘Leo’s are egotistical’. However, I don’t take thsi stuff seriously and it baffles me thag peopel are unable to see why people don’t believe in it. While it may carry some good moral truths, like 70% of what you find about it is bullshit and you shouldn’t follow it religiously


[deleted]

why do these twitter ass 13-yos keep thinking theyre right and when faced with a counter argument they completely dismiss that shit with baseless fucking ad hominem


B4KNZ17

Oww


727_The_funny_number

I was so sure someone was going to make fun of either white people or men for not believing in astrology. Well I was not disappointed.


kneus69

Im dumb, but I want to be this fucking dumb. Seems like everyday would be so much more fun.


[deleted]

Man it’s so sad that I’m a guy or I’d be able to use my zodiac sign aqua man or whatever it’s called


the-big-gamer-god

I like how they say “it shows something they may not want to see despite the fact that all astrology readings are loosely positive


[deleted]

My mom doesn't believe in astrology, and she's not a man. Neither me nor my best friend believe in astrology, and we're not men either. Don't need a dick to realize that big balls of fire and gas millions of miles away do not determine people's personalities based on what month they're born in.


Anime_Thick_Thighs

It's pseudoscience deal with it