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Supremetacoleader

"Freeland spoke to the press in the morning. “I was browsing some Canada memes yesterday and I saw one that said we have roughly 20% of the world’s supply of fresh water and I couldn’t believe it. I texted David Suzuki right away and asked him if this was true. He said that if we are counting the water that is either frozen or deep underground, we do indeed have roughly 20% of the world’s fresh water,” said Freeland. “The way the world is going, we figured we needed to act decisively and discreetly to keep our supply safe so we fast-tracked this budget increase.”"


tinkymyfinky

I can weirdly enough hear her voice when reading this lol


Content_Employment_7

I'd actually have some respect for her if this was true. Fact is we're one of the biggest targets in the world once the climate wars kick off, and unless we're willing to become a formal subject state of the US, not only can we not count on their assistance, they're likely to be among the nations gunning for us. But God forbid we take a realistic view of our situation over the next 50 years and invest appropriately in our military.


Godkun007

There is literally only 1 MP who cares about Canada's water. That being Francis Scarpaleggia who has basically written every bill related to water in the last 15 years. Luckily, it is a fairly non controversial issue so he has been able to get things done without needing to worry much about party discipline on this subject.


Silly___Neko

What about Nestlé taking the water to resell it though.


frugalerthingsinlife

We need a second Francis Scarpaleggia just to deal with them.


Rab1dus

Nestle can fuck right off. The fact that they're allowed to steal water and export it for basically nothing is so fucking offensive.


[deleted]

f/fucknestle


ButtermanJr

"Think of the jobs! The 35 jobs! Why do you hate jobs?"


Rumandy

Fuck Nestlé. They're literally one of the worlds largest plastic polluters.


DudeWithTheNose

and the whole death squads to kill union leaders thing


szypty

Just fuck Nestle in general. We could be here all day making a list of atrocities they perpetuated and not be even halfway done. My favourite is the one with the Baby Formula for Africans, peak sociopathic coprocapitalism.


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f/fucknestle


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r/fucknestle


NorMan_of_Zone_11

What about how they lobby for more access to water. I’ve been in the legislative buildings. All the candy trains have nestle chocolate in them. A chocolate bunny is sent to every MP around eater time. Delicious chocolate. Disgusting politics.


Throwaway_chuckit

It’s unbelievable that those things could possibly make a difference.


single_ginkgo_leaf

Do we have any stats on how much water nestle takes?


NuclearStudent

Based


nabz97

They’ll just buy all our water out and our government will allow it no need to fire a single shot.


Content_Employment_7

Maybe for a bit. But once they've decided the northern water sheiks have gotten too greedy, we're done. And that's assuming they haven't yet started the great migration northwards; but that's coming too, and I can't see it being peaceful.


JaketheAlmighty

Begun, the climate wars have. We should really standardise what our go to northern water sheik outfit is going to be, so we can all be ready before shit gets serious.


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degeneratekitten

Nope, already taken. Need something more traditional Canadian. Thinking jeans and a Jean jacket. Old school cool, Canadian tuxedo.


jenna_hazes_ass

How bout a jean kilt with a lumberjack plaid coat?


tacofartboy

Your doing it wrong. It should be Ross Rebagliati winter olympics drip. The hat. The scarf. The whole thing.


FornaxTheConqueror

I feel like you've never worn a kilt in the late fall or winter if you want that to be our new outfit.


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Sussurus_of_Qualia

I for one will look great in a kilt with some wool socks.


FornaxTheConqueror

Unless you like wearing thigh high wool socks or long johns you're still gonna get a surprise when it's snowing and a big clump of snow gets blown up your kilt lol.


outtahere021

Jeans, and maybe a Stanfields wool sweater for winter.


Cole_James_CHALMERS

Definitely some plaid


jingerninja

Flannel red plaid shirt, like an old timey lumberjack for sure.


Rrraou

>"Oh no ! Quebec's got the bomb !" Yet another premonitory from The Simsons for when WMD are used as an excuse to invade.


hugglenugget

But Canadians might be allowed to rent a small cupful or two, at prices that keep the foreign owners very comfortable.


YoureInMyLight

Buy? We’ll be begging them to occupy and stand in front of us and the Russians. Which they’ll be more than eager to do. By that point you’ll have mass-migrations north, and most likely a merger of both countries into a new North American nation state, sans Mexico.


jingerninja

You will never outspend the US on the military. You could bankrupt the country trying to build up to their level and still not come close. Luckily we've seen time and time again that their massive war machine struggles with determined local guerrillas so we might stand a chance that way. Should spend some money training small town folk how to efficiently organize into underground resistance cells lol.


[deleted]

Canada is practically impossible to occupy what with our single railroad and highway from west to east. A few rednecks with trucks full of fertilizer would make short work of supply lines. Winter would do the rest. What's more likely is we just get colonized by American and Chinese megacorps and become their banana republic. Assuming we aren't already...


phonebrowsing69

We already are


ArkEneru

>Canada is practically impossible to occupy this is hilarious. canada might actually be the easiest country in the world for the us military to invade and occupy... the entirety of canada's strategic depth is about two inches from the US border. three hours spent in travel straight from the border and a tank column coming from the US would have already outflanked the population centers home to 90 percent of canada's citizens. a war between the US and canada could end in literally a single day.


mmoore327

You're using the same logic used in Iraq and Afghanistan - there is little doubt the initial conflict would end quickly and decisively with US occupation, but the very geography you describe is why the occupation would go very badly for them and last a very long time...


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ArkEneru

geography didnt lose the iraq and afghanistan wars, the sociological makeup of the invaded societies did. of course tribal, 74-percent-rural Afghanistan that had been resisting foreign empires for the last 100 years would be a tough nut to crack. 18 percent of Canada is rural, on the other hand, and even among those people, rednecks (backwoods as they may be) aren't organized into tight-knit madrasah-educated warrior-tribes that believe they're going to get 72 virgins for detonating a suicide vest. if you really think a bunch of albertans are going to fight a protracted guerilla campaign against the US military by retreating into nunavut, you're kidding yourself. they'll freeze to death just as fast as the US in their Abrams (which I guarantee you have heating). and whose supply lines, exactly, do you think are going to have issues if 90 percent of canada's population is under occupation? the US and their agriculture is right there, for their forces, might I remind you. all any rebels might have is zero industry, zero agricultural capability (canadian shield) and an ice fishing hole to go around. even if some resistance continued for a long time (say, twenty years) in some random part of the country, its not like the US would ever eventually be forced to leave. afghanistan was across the world from the US, constantly draining money. on the other hand, the US has exerted effective military control over seattle, chicago, and new york for like 200 years. if you think that the US couldnt mosey on up 100 miles and then hold on to Vancouver, toronto and montreal for at least another 200 without breaking a sweat, you're kidding yourself.


FrankSkeets

They wont need to occupy us military, our government will surrender on day 1.


sheephound

At the point you're talking about on this timeline, though, what fucking winter would you be dealing with


rich84easy

Yes that why during winter Canadian trucks are advised to use American highway system to get to other part of country during storm.


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Apptubrutae

There’s a literally zero percent chance the US would let anyone other than the US meddle in Canada to any significant degree, especially if the water became that important. Even before water issues, there’s the whole having a potential hostile power getting access to a large open border. Not gonna happen. No subject state required. It’s just not even up for negotiation. Proximity to the US means Canada simply cannot be a a target. Take that chunk of the world’s water supply off the map for anyone other than the Canada, the US, and joint US/Canadian allies. Nevermind the logistical nightmare that would be getting to and subjugating Canada. If the mightiest military in the world can’t even really deal with Iraq or Afghanistan, who the heck is sailing across a giant ocean to subjugate a country as huge as Canada?


QzJINU9I

> Nevermind the logistical nightmare that would be getting to and subjugating Canada. If the mightiest military in the world can’t even really deal with Iraq or Afghanistan, who the heck is sailing across a giant ocean to subjugate a country as huge as Canada? I mean, I like to fantasize that we'd hold our own in that situation, but I don't think it's realistic. Afghanistan is a country that has a _long_ history and a _lot_ of experience in guerila warfare. They have a lot of people that have never really had modern amenities and are comfortable living in caves to make it happen. Canada... well, from the complaints I've heard over the last couple of years I'd say large swathes of people here are much too whiny and entitled to execute anything close to that successfully. We're just gonna have to rely on the fact that the US doesn't want anyone else setting up camp in their backyard.


Apptubrutae

Obviously afghanis are much more interested in resisting occupation than most anyone, but: 1) Afghanistan has bordering countries. When the Soviets rolled in, it was over land. Canada is surrounded by significant bodies of water on the west and east and north. 2) You could fit Afghanistan into Canada *15 times*. Canada is really really huge. That alone makes invasion a practical nightmare. It’s less about Canadians holding their own and more about the reality that subjugating a huge country surrounded by oceans is practically impossible. And if the US doesn’t want it to happen, it doesn’t happen, because nobody’s even remotely close to the US. China being the closest, but they’ve got the pacific to cross. Then India, but I mean come on, what are they gonna do. Then Russia, who has a short path across the north, but they have their own water and they only spend $62 billion to the US’s almost $800 billion. And hell, even Canada with its $23 billion budget is still the 13th biggest spender and spends slightly more than *Israel*.


Sk0omaSteve

Sounds sad and dystopian, but I completely agree.


Hautamaki

The only 'realistic' 50-year strategy that provides us any semblance of independence from a belligerent and aggressive USA involves importing at least 100 million immigrants to fill out our country, and that's really not that realistic at all.


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YOU_SMELL

It's satire because harper already sold the rights to over 100 Canadian fresh water lakes that were crown owned during his terma


Iseepuppies

I don’t think we have enough people to pay taxes for the military you’d be talking about lol. And I highly doubt America would ever actually let us be a nuclear power.


QuintonFlynn

That’s why we build our nuclear power plants closer to the border…


Xezents

We were a nuclear power. We gave them up. Like a sucker. We can make more though. Pretty much anytime we want. America's wants be damned.


westernmail

The missles were American, but were on Canadian soil. I don't think we ever had control over them.


fackblip

After some research, they were American owned and there was always an American "custodial detachment" wherever the weapons went but they were often loaded on Canadian aircraft with Canadian crews (under the NATO banner however). We even smuggled some of these into our german bases. Technically we have everything to make (a number of...) nukes right now and have for decades. We "donated" the plutonium for India's first nuclear weapons tests back in the 70's. Really there's no point for the average citizen, as nukes only really stop militaries from invading and not individuals crossing the border. Plus who really wins in a nuclear exchange? Sure we could salt the earth but we'd still have to live in the nuclear winter...


KeeperofPaddock9

You just need nukes though, it's that easy. Canada can be a serious nuclear power if it wanted to. It's just a matter of will. We are never going to fend off Russia, China and frankly even the US through conventional means so let's put that out of our minds right away.


FrankSkeets

We're getting annaxed by America day 1 of the water wars, military budget increases or not, zero chance our military can stop that...


westernmail

They're already gunning for the Northwest passage, claiming it's international waters.


420Wedge

Any actual war with the U.S. is game over. They've been spending more then every other country combined for decades. We could increase our military budget 50x for another 50 years and still be behind. We're literally better off just becoming american states then fighting them.


mrekted

Their military budget is absurd, but they're no where close to spending "more than every other country combined". US spending accounts [for less than 40% of global military expenditures](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_military_expenditures).


throwseph23

There is no size we can grow our military to be able to fend off countries like us/ China (for example). We need not to just invest but focus on novel uses of what we have and plan our forces around guerilla warfare when the time comes.


motions2u2wipemyass

Bruh, no one is fucking with Canada. Geographically speaking we are the most secure country on Earth. We are surrounded on all sides by the ocean and have the arctic to our North. We also share the largest border in the world with the strongest military on Earth (by an absurd margin). Even if Canada and America had bad relations with eachother (which we don't), America still wouldn't let any other country fuck with us because that would be a major threat to their own country. And we have like 39 million people total, we don't need all this fresh water. I'd be more than happy to help out the US if they need some. I'm not disagreeing that we should beef up our military a little though.


kebeckistan

> invest appropriately in our military. You mean develop nukes? Because if the US rolls in with tanks and we don't nuke them, we can roll over easy, or sacrifice a few thousand young men to a pointless war effort and lose anyway. No amount of gear saves us.


WhiteyMcBrown

We also need MASSIVE increase in immigration. Lots of people talk a big game about Canada standing up to China, Russia, and the US in various dealings, but the truth is that with a population smaller than California (and a relatively tiny economy), we have no leverage. We're an outpost. A farm. How much would you increase military spending for us to stand a chance against any of our would-be aggressors? Because until it's enough to actually deter or push back, it sounds like we'd be wasting extra money.


cdnBacon

I am not sure it is legal for Canadian governments to be forward thinking and proactive ... ? That's a big /s, btw.


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therealmoec

The war for Hans island will continue until those pesky Danes acknowledge our sovereignty… or until they get too drunk to care


lordph8

I just hope one day both the Canadians and Danes show up at the same time. The drinking contest would be epic.


didintneednoschol

Lets not set the bar that high lol


country-hick

Those rascals


blandsrules

Greenland is up there fighting off Russia and China for us


gwelfguy-2

Do we get real submarines now?


Skapungalis

I hear France wants to sell some.


guerrieredelumiere

Diesel subs. Or in other words, the subs mom said we have at home.


thelawnranger

WestEdMallSub.jpeg


DireLackofGravitas

Diesels are making a big comeback due to advances in AIP technology. If you want coastal defense, diesels are the way to go. If you want power projection, you go with nucs.


WippitGuud

If half your ocean is under a few feet of ice for half the year, you better be nuc.


Vassago81

Actual nuclear scientists don't want you to know that, but you can get great bang for your buck with a diesel engine by adding powdered uranium in your gas tank! The higher compression ratio of a diesel VS gas engines is enough that the hot uranium in the fuel mix will ignite, creating hundreds of safe mini-Chernobyl per seconds! In addition to increased fuel efficiency making electric vehicles obsolete, the radioactive exhaust gas will kill airborne bacteria like the popular COVID virus, and give a much needed "boost" to radiotherapy patient breathing them. Both petrol and Uranium can be found in Canada, so we won't send our canadian $ to war-torn lithium producers like Australia or Chili!


AMA_About_Rampart

Also putting your phone in the microwave will charge it within minutes. $100% truth bombs we be droppin.


nope586

Zero chance Canada will ever operate nuclear subs.


HeathersZen

Curious why you say this? After all, Australia was never going to operate nuclear subs until there were.


nope586

People had a freakout when a British nuclear sub merely visited Halifax years ago. The Canadian government and military has always been staunchly against anything nuclear. Could you imagine the disaster of trying to deploy and maintain those things here, it took us 40 years to buy new helicopters.


StarshipStonks

You're probably right in the current political climate, but Canada both hosted nuclear weapons and pushed to purchase nuclear submarines during the Cold War.


Milesaboveu

Back when Canada had the knowledge and smarts to understand heavy issues. Now we're too busy making people afraid of guns that hold 5 rounds.


Sussurus_of_Qualia

While the RCMP declares it needs assault weapons for routine patrol.


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HeathersZen

Interesting. Thanks for explaining it.


Sussurus_of_Qualia

Think about how hypocritical the government is about literally everything. Why should this be different over nukes?


ATR2400

We already have enough trouble as it is acquiring rest-hunk diesel subs with how things are going we’ll get our first nuclear sub in about 200 years and it’ll be 200 years old


Own_Carrot_7040

Notice Australia, two thirds our size, was going to buy a dozen. Canada has four. And they're old and used and barely functional. We are freeloaders in our military treaty deals. No wonder they didn't want us in the new one.


Sarke1

Hey, it's not easy to find submarines with a bilingual manual.


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cheekycherokee

Couldn’t be more accurate


Sussurus_of_Qualia

I think it is three subs and one spare hull for parts at this point.


Pillowsword

The HMCS Cornerbrook was in the water last year, so we might be able to get 4 operational subs again by years end. Having sailors to crew them on the other hand is a bit of a problem. Before I got out we had enough submariners to crew maybe 2.5 of them with the necessary support staff, 3 if we outsourced the support staff to other units.


DirectReachTdot

With what just happened we can get a discount.


Aust0nMatthews34

Mr. Sub isn’t good enough ?


badaboom

Just the ones that used to be at West Edmonton Mall


NEeZ44

Yes but only to be used in the great lakes


Phlobot

Do but we have a pretty got shot at training a second urban assault goose. Two is enough


animboylambo

They’re already radicalized creatures. They just need to be trained to focus a certain enemy…..and not attack every single person that walks by them


Schroedes13

This is sadly gonna be pretty accurate since 1/3 of the world is supposed to be water poor by 2050. I’m addition to that and just a cool factoid, I’m pretty sure Canada has more lakes than the rest of the world combined.


Janitor_Snuggle

Excluding the other provinces, Ontario and Quebec independently each have more lakes than the rest of the world combined. IIRC: the criteria for lakes is surface area >2Ha


CapableCollar

Do not be concerned water slave. We in the United States will grant you sufficient protection.


Schroedes13

lol I wouldn't be, but I am getting quite anxious that large portions of your water is starting to be used up or wasted......screw this longest, undefended border crap! Time to get out the Mounted Meese and Beaver Brigades!


Callabrantus

The States will protect us! Right?...Guys? \*crickets\*


codeverity

They will, sort of. They'll protect us from other countries while also extracting deals from us that will prioritize their citizens over ours.


gladbmo

It's more likely a union would be formed and Canada would peacefully join the USA and the provinces would become states. In a world where these resources become valuable enough to protect.


verloren7

There is zero chance the US would let Canada have 10 separate states (20 senators) in this hypothetical union.


gladbmo

You act as if Canadians would be their heads of state...


anethma

I think the point is that a pile of left leaning states would join the union, making the senate lean democratic basically forever. Republicans would not allow that.


gladbmo

Annexed states would likely not have any voting weight until population amalgamation took place, which would take a long time. I hate to use game terminology, but it's like in Civ 5 when you annex a city, it's under "Court Rule" for a long time (Years and years in-game), in which you get very few benefits from holding that annexed city during that time. The same thing would happen in a USA takeover of either of its neighbours.


NotTodayZerg

Prioritize their wealthy citizens* FTFY


VanillaGorilla-

I pictured that Anakin/Padme meme format when reading this.


loki0111

If its in their self interest, sure.


Golanthanatos

The correct term is 'Annex', and it happens 2072-2077.


chelosanz

They’ll help us with an upgraded version of manifest destiny


ketimmer

Nope. Read [We Stand On Guard](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/We_Stand_On_Guard) by Brian K. Vaughn


karmastealing

Also https://fallout.fandom.com/wiki/United_States_annexation_of_Canada


AlphonsoDavies19

Hey guys, comic books and video games aren't real life.


DruidB

The US annexing Canada without firing a single shot is a possible scenario. The loss of arable land and fresh water across the US that will already be overrun with climate refugees coupled with a thawing arctic that we cannot protect from Russian interests will be unsustainable.


GimmickNG

> thawing arctic that we cannot protect from Russian interests will be unsustainable. Doesn't russia also have a lot of water


nitrodragon54

Nah, we got enough people up here crazy enough to form an insurrection but unlikely to be more than an annoyance to an occupying force.


BHPhreak

you thought guerilla warfare was effective out in vietnam and the middle east? wait till you see canadians do it. theres a certain ferocity with canadians and wartime.


EQ1_Deladar

It's a terrifying thing... 1000s of Canadians suddenly releasing years of repressed anger from being polite and/or respectful to idiots that didn't deserve either.


JaysReddit33

WE'LL TAKE VIMY RIDGE AGAIN IF WE HAVE TO.


[deleted]

They used to say that about satire...


gladbmo

This has to be the dumbest fucking follow up to "nope." I've ever seen.


AccessTheMainframe

Nope. Read [work of fiction]


LunaMunaLagoona

Canada about to experience some freedom bombs in the near future.


gladbmo

Let's be real that wouldn't happen, we'd peacefully get annexed.


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Chocobean

>several seemingly puzzling decisions were all done to make Canadian fresh water less appealing to other nations, including buying an oil pipeline, allowing industrial development on public lands and even freezing more water than usual at NHL rinks. The government has even inquired if it can “unshare” the Great Lakes and is willing to spend the money to enforce its moves.


MrHappyAlpaca

you will what?


Remote_Mountain4600

Canada's proud navy; ships that don't float and subs that won't sink. I wouldn't mind a little more spending in that direction.


NickDragonRise

subs on fire too


nitrodragon54

our subs are lit One of our subs mottoes is "we rule the sea." The fuck part the sea are we ruling?


MikuEmpowered

that was a typo by the 2lt. The correct motto was "we rue the sea"


lt0083

So we have proper ships and subs after all just mixed them up?


unbeatable_101

You mean we'll be spending a whole loonie on our military now?


Sparkky-

$1.25 take it or leave it


Ancient_Contact4181

We are fucked IF the US was desperate enough for our water. We will get rolled over, no matter how much we spend. The only real deterrent is nukes but everyone knows that is never happening. Therefore we must always bow down and play nice to our neighbors.


ATR2400

I’m guessing the idea is to make an invasion and subsequent occupation expensive enough that the US would find even in a crisis scenario it would be cheaper to just buy the water or do desalination rather than to invade. Even when they’re “easy” invasions are surprisingly costly. It’s not just taking the land but keeping it and all the people in it under your control. See what happened to Afghanistan. They steamrolled the Taliban relatively easily initially and set up a new government but 20 years later they’re pulling out with 20 trillion spent, equipment left behind and people who helped them stuck to meet their face in Afghanistan


Vinlandien

The US isn’t our enemy. If they were desperate for water of course we’d supply them with water for something equally valuable in return. It’s in both of our countries interest to act as one united force on the world stage against intercontinental threats. It’s the whole point of NORAD. This doesn’t mean we have to follow them into every war, or agree with their domestic policies, but you can bet your balls we’d be the first ones with our weapons drawn at whichever country was stupid enough to attack them on North American soil. 911 is proof of that.


terlin

If the world was desperate enough for fresh water, no invasion of Canada would be needed. The US would propose that they take charge of Canada's security, while Canada would sell water to the US at discounted rates. Far cheaper and easier than a war and occupation.


rich84easy

Not entirely same as I’m not sure what Iceland provides in return, but defense for Iceland is provided by US by bilateral treaty.


MoistTadpoles

Yeah as much as alarmism is fun, the sheer amount we have, position we are in with the US means a mutual trade agreement would be much much better for all parties, if the US would become hostile to Canada it's basically, at that point a failed state that would stand alone against the world. It's internal struggles by that time would mean that it wouldn't stand a chance.


ZanThrax

>The US isn’t are enemy. If they were desperate for water of course we’d supply them with water for something equally valuable in return. The US isn't an enemy *today*. If they're ever desperate enough for our natural resources, including fresh water, they would have little to no trouble convincing their population to support an invasion.


ElegantRoof

An American here. I know its easy to view us as easily manipulated but I just dont see the citizens, even under extreme circumstances, being okay with an invasion of Canada. People from both countries like to poke fun at each other but in all reality I dont know or have ever met a single person down here that harbors any hostility towards your country. I will go as far as to say we really fucking like Canadians. Americans get really excited when we meet Canadians. In all reality, we are pretty much the same country. Its actually pretty hard to think of two countries that are as similar as the U.S. and Canada. Maybe some South American countries? There are lots of places in the U.S. that are more similar to parts of Canada then they are to other parts of the U.S. There would be a mutual agreement reached before an invasion would ever happen. I just dont see an armed invasion ever happening under any circumstance. Speaking of fresh water, from an American view point. The United States would actually split in two or three before we invaded Canada. We are already dramatically split politically and geographically. The western part of the U.S. is who is running out of water. They are getting desperate desperate. The midwest and eastern U.S. has plenty of water. But for example, the Mid West does not like California and vice versa. The Midwest would get pissed if they started trying to take our water or started moving here and over crowding our states. The Mid west hates their politics and hates how they look down on them. What im trying to say is, the U.S. would break out into a civil war or break apart into separate countries before we invaded Canada.


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Own_Carrot_7040

The idea isn't to defeat a potential enemy but to be too much trouble for them to bother with. If Ukraine had had a well-organized, modern military the Russians would not have taken part of their country away so easily. They wouldn't have even tried.


Vassago81

Look at what happened in the spring of 2014, the army didn't lose Donbass to an invasion, they lost it to roadblocks of civilians and didn't want to fire on their own countrymen. They didn't fight an invasion, it was a (initially poorly coordinated) separatist movement, then supported by Russia supplies and volunteers (And "volunteers" also). Lots of Ukrainian troops just switched over to the other side too, like the Navy. Head of navy and most of the troops switched side, and a few days later the NEW head of navy did the same thing!


illscientist7

Why would we ever become enemies of one of our greatest allies? Are you that stupid? We would rather protect the water for both of our sakes


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leaklikeasiv

We are preserving it for china


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Math1988

Russia already own a pretty large portion of world’s fresh water.


fubes2000

You misspelled Nestle.


StarshipStonks

Quadruple our spending? Why, we might even meet our NATO obligation!


[deleted]

4 times 0 is still 0


greenmachine41590

Honestly? One of the biggest crimes in Canadian governance is the fact that our military has been dramatically underfunded for decades. Might not be a sexy pick for “things the government should spend more money on” when pharmacare and a better deal for paramedics are so needed, but damn. We don’t even need a huge land force. A much stronger navy and air force would go a long way.


xXxDarkSasuke1999xXx

Underfunded and mismanaged, we could have a far better military if our spending weren't crippled at every step by the policy and agencies that manage procurement. Compare us to the Dutch military, a smaller country that spends a similar proportion of their GDP to ours on the military. They have: - Modern fighter aircraft (F-35s) - More modern combat ships (they have 12 built in the last two decades and we have... one, and "combat" is a stretch considering it's armed with exactly three guns) - Modern individual kit (their infantrymen are kitted out like our SOF) - Modern pistols (Glocks vs 1940s vintage Brownings) - Attack helicopters (we have none) I could go on but it's frankly embarassing. Have you ever seen one of those photos with a soldier from every NATO country? Even bankrupt eastern European countries make a better showing, the Canadian soldier always looks like a fucking time traveller from 1995. Our budget could be quadrupled tomorrow and we wouldn't get anything we actually need, we'd just buy 60 billion more dollars of garbage to enrich political donors and failing Quebec manufacturers. If we buy anything at all, which is optimistic.


LoneRonin

A strong military in peacetime is a double edged sword. Take a look at the US. You risk a military-industrial complex strong arming the government into using that military for things that would be better served by diplomacy, trade or intelligence, in a "when all you have is a hammer" situation.


[deleted]

We don't even want a strong military. Just one that isn't a failure.


BraveTheWall

Canada is a long way off from a strong military. Don't worry about that. Our Navy is practically crippled and our airforce is in limbo. God help us if we ever need to use our military because it won't be pretty.


Golanthanatos

is it really too much to ask that we meet our 2% of GDP defense spending under NATO obligations?


charlietakethetrench

Apparently yes, but for the love of god can we please pick a new fighter jet already, by the time we get an F35 they're going to be 2 generations behind already and we'll be buying used ones again.


terlin

Not really applicable. Canada's military isn't remotely near effective or strong. There are smaller European countries with far better militaries due to effective spending and political will.


RyGuy027b

Am I the only one who wishes this headline wasn’t satire?


BraveTheWall

No.


UnBearaBull88

First Beaverton article I actually thought was real.


Cheap_Tomatillo6358

Yup had a moment "oh wow, I'm impressed" then noticed the beaverton stamp...


Cold2021

This will surely attract some Nestle memes.


thelawnranger

Ain't nobody believing that one


Godkun007

There is literally only 1 MP who cares about Canada's water. That being Francis Scarpaleggia who has basically written every bill related to water in the last 15 years. Luckily, it is a fairly non controversial issue so he has been able to get things done without needing to worry much about party discipline on this subject.


DashTrash21

You know what's messed up? Elizabeth May's own riding of Saanich-Gulf Islands had been dumping raw sewage in to the ocean since the 1890's, up until this year when the Greater Victoria Area finally completed a wastewater treatment facility. You'd have thought she might have made a bigger push in the House.


RarelyReadReplies

Yeah, but I really hoped it was true.


MohamedJoe

The year is 2022 Canadians are still fighting about who to blame for the new variant pandemic and their healthcare while the Quebec Libre mouvement gains attraction and power. It is only a question of time before Quebec invades Canada.


Own_Carrot_7040

When Canada was half the size it is now we had twice as big a military. Therefore we ought to actually have four times what we have now. Australia was going to order 12 subs. We should have at least that many. Instead we have four old, used, worn-out, barely functional subs and a dozen forty year old frigates that have to last at least another ten years. And how's that fighter plane purchase going? Haven't heard thing one since Trudeau took office six years ago. How long are we going to fly those old fighters?


Homelander88

my heart jumped in a bout of joy that there was finally some common sense in parliament until I saw the link to the Beaverton. :(


crackirkaine

Our army will be funded by Nestle


frndlthngnlsvgs

We need to increase military spending to lay claim to the Northwest Passage (which we can monetize) and claim the Arctic.


Boon_Chi

But like. We should though. Our military is kinda garbage in terms of manpower, equipment, aircraft... kinda everything but reputation really.


JustBlameQuebec

I didn't know some of these commenters were military Generals with extensive knowledge in international relations lmao


doodoonips

shout out fresh water🤙🏼


Green_Lantern_4vr

Wish it wasn’t satire. Look at Australia’s navy.


ChickenWangKang

The strong must protect the fresh


baintaintit

From wiki...Switzerland has mandatory military service in the Swiss Army for all able-bodied male citizens, who are conscripted when they reach the age of majority. Something Canada should consider? Training not just on weapons/combat, but maybe civil engineering, healthcare, trades training as well? We can't afford a big military. Citizens need to be ready.


hackulator

Honestly this is so reasonable a thing to do that I didn't realize it was satire til I got to the second paragraph where the finance minister learned about this from a meme.


Arayder

God I wish we would spend that much on our military. Ours as it stands with funding is a fucking joke.


jymssg

Still no carriers